You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
