Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
