i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
