Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
