I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
