We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
