does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
