I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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