Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
