OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
