moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
