Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He passed out mid-signature
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
