I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize