Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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