I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
