You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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