You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize