I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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