Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
