why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
