Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
