i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
