I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
