i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
