I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
