called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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