This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
