Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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