I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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