her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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