Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
