I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
