Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
