He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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