The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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