I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
