Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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