I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
