i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
