some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
