It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
