There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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