Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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