I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
barbara walters just said penis...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
