She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
