You're like the curious george of whores
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Still dying that you shit outside
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
