a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
