Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
