In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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