Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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