I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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