its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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