wrigley field is MILF paradise
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
