My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
