you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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