Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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