Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
