one two three fourrrrnication!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
