fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
