first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
