She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
