Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
