How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
