my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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