Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
