My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
