sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
