Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
