Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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